After two blissfully “Bachelor”-free months, the reality dating franchise is back — this time, with TWO Bachelorettes. Kaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilssen will be competing for the first-impression affection of 25 lackluster spectacular gentlemen. (Or as Claire likes to refer to them: a bunch of deformed Ken dolls.)

We decided to size up the contestants based on their ABC bios. Judging from their male heroes, we have some true reality TV winners this season. Here are 13 of the men that Kaitlyn and Britt’s dudes would be if they had their pick:

1. “My younger self.” -Cory

2. “Batman. He is a badass and has an awesome man-cave to hang out with his friends in.” -Ben H.

3. “Tom Brady…Get a taste of what a primetime football game would be like — then go home to Gisele.” -Bradley (Side note: gross.)

4. “Superman because he can do so many cool things but he also leads a normal life.” -Chris

5. “Chuck Norris, for obvious reasons.” -Clint (But… are those reasons really obvious?)

6. “Tony Stark/Iron Man — he is humble yet arrogant, fights crime, and is hella rich.” -Tony

7. “The Prince of Monaco, because he has a baller life.” -Daniel

8. “Someone from a less privileged area or country. It would be an eye-opening/humbling experience.” -Justin

9. “Wolverine. He is awesome-looking, ripped, has attitude, and doesn’t take any crap.” -Ryan M.

10. “Seth MacFarlane — so talented.” -Ryan B. (Hmmm….)

11. “The Hulk. My two-year-old nephew is obsessed with the Hulk. I would love to surprise visit him and yell ‘HULK, SMASH!'” -Shawn B.

12. “Superman, because you can’t change what you already are!” -Shawn E.

13. “Barack Obama, just so I could see how it feels to be the leader of the free world.” -Jared

Check out HuffPost’s new “Bachelorette”-themed podcast, “Here To Make Friends”!

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