Remember Aladdin, the human perfection that captured the prepubescent hearts of America in 1992? Since first gracing us with his presence 23 years ago this month, Aladdin has been breaking hearts left and right. Yeah, yeah, we know what you’re thinking, “Go home, HuffPost, you’re drunk. He’s a cartoon.” Well … technically, yes. But Aladdin isn’t just any animated hunk. He’s the greatest Disney heartthrob of all.
Turn up the volume, dim those lights and get ready to rub that magic lamp feel all the feelz.
1. Let’s start with the obvious. Aladdin is a fiiiine man. Just look at him. Take it all in.
2. Even though he’s an absolute delinquent, his bad boy swag is a MAJOR turn on.
3. He’s resourceful af and can pick apples and stuff. This man will feed you.
4. He knows how to show a girl a good time. Just look at Jasmine. She’s having the time of her life. THAT COULD BE YOU.
5. Feast your eyes on his glorious smile. Sorry, was that your jaw that just dropped on my foot? Pick that up. WE’RE NOT DONE HERE.
6. He has a pretty sweet whip. Like, have you ever dated a guy with a car that can take you soaring above the clouds? No, you haven’t.
7. Oh and his magic carpet is also his wingman, so like, plenty of opportunity for romance there.
8. When he rolls up to Jasmine’s balcony it’s so romantic it’s like, Romeo and Juliet who, lol?!
9. He’s not afraid to get wet.
10. He will give you flowers just ’cause, proving that chivalry is so not dead.
11. His idea of a spontaneous date includes flying under the stars, past the pyramids of Egypt, and ending the night with fireworks in China. Like, he will literally show you the world. NO BIG DEAL OR ANYTHING.
12. Not to mention, never has a booty call looked so ✦ magical. ☆
13. “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird” actually makes sense with him.
14. He’s loyal and always tries to do the right thing. Talk about a heart of gold …
15. You know who’s even better than regular ol’ Aladdin? Prince Ali Ababwa, that’s who. ALL HAIL PRINCE ALI.
16. He can make it rain.
17. His sensual smolder is so perfect it’s like he’s staring directly into your soul. You can almost hear the angels singing.
18. He’s shirtless a lot. HELLOOOO perfectly chiseled pecs sculpted by Zeus himself.
19. Even when he’s pissed off, he looks fantastic.
20. Legit fantastic. And then you’re all like, Why can’t he stare into MY eyes?!
21. This gem of a man who can rock the hell out of a majestic hat.
22. Such a keeper.
GO AWAY JASMINE.
23. If we could rub one out and make three wishes, we’ll wish for three of him.
Oh, you know it.
So basically …
Thirst = quenched.
Thanks, Aladdin.
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