Hello,

My name is John.

I’m a writer, a brother and (up until this week) the silent owner of several Pitbull albums, concert DVDs, tanks, shot glasses, chain wallets and soul-patch colognes.

When I tell people about this, I’m hit with an avalanche of insane/misguided/uninformed reactions. People assuming I’m crazy or naive for loving my Pitbull. People don’t think twice to either ask me, “WHAT, WHY?” or say, “I could never!” Some comments are just annoying. Some are condescending. But all of them make me shake my head in disgust.

I thought I would clear up the confusion by addressing the horrible assumptions about Pitbull. As somebody who has seen Pitbull perform at over 20 promotional events for Bud Light Lime, I believe I can give you a much better idea of Mr. Worldwide than John Q. Public.

Take a look at the statements below and see if you’re guilty of uttering them.

Pitbull is inherently bad.

Pitbull isn’t inherently bad. A lot of people find pleasure in him. It’s just the hype around him that puts him in a bad light.

A house with Pitbull in it is less safe than a house without.

There is no evidence to prove that. Also Pitbull doesn’t typically go into houses. He prefers bungalos, yachts, or hotel lobbies.

Pitbull wants to bite me.

If he said that, he meant that in a sexual way.

Pitbull is good for nothing but having sex and making noise. I mean, he isn’t even a musician. He doesn’t play an instrument or sing or rap or anything, really. All he does is stand on stage and gawk at pretty girls.

Wow. Actually Pitbull IS a musician. He’s won a Billboard MUSIC Award and he was nominated for six MTV VMAs. Those are the facts. And he “gawks at pretty girls” because it’s part of the “sex-perience.”

Pitbull is stupid and angry. I saw a clip of Pitbull on stage and he was literally just walking around while the song played behind him. Sometimes he would bark into the mic but that was it …

Look, you can choose to hate my Pitbull, but you’re just denying yourself an incredible addition to your extended family. Pitbull just wants love. And if you’re willing to give it, Pitbull will love you back. Trust me. He gave me a “Don’t Stop the Party” tank and all I had to do was run next to his party bus for two miles while he threw stuff out of a window.

Pitbull is naturally aggressive. I saw a clip of him pulling a guy on the stage and then punching him in the face! WTF!?

You mean this video? HELLO, the guy was dancing close! I mean, I would totally punch a dude in the face if he tried to grind with me while giving me money!

Yeah, that’s more like it!!!

Anyways, does this sound familiar? I thought so. I hope you learned something today. Don’t worry, there’s always time to learn and grow.

Please leave your newly educated thoughts on my Pitbull in the comments.

Love,

John Trowbridge

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