Climatologists have tried next to everything to enlighten politicians and civilians of the real threat that is climate change. Hardly a day goes by without another set of data-packed graphs, elaborate PowerPoint presentations, and ominously narrated documentaries to get the message across. But somehow, climatologists still haven’t employed the one tool that is universally looked upon as a beacon of truth. We speak, of course, about the infallible Domino’s Pizza Tracker.

Yes, much like a mediocre slice of Domino’s pizza, climate change is undoubtably manmade (and better when drunk). We can only hope that hyperintelligent chuckwallas, the eventual successors of mankind, will continue our tradition of tolerable pizza.

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