Ornaments, chocolates, framed pictures, coffee mugs, handwritten greeting cards expressing your deepest sentiments: These are some of the presents you could give this holiday season that won’t be nearly as appreciated as alcohol.

But why do some people receive bottles of champagne for Christmas while others receive PBR tallboys? What is the gift-giver saying about the recipient? Scientists spent years researching these alcoholic beverages thoroughly, many of them developing serious drinking problems, and came back with these answers.

Here’s what people are really saying when they give you these alcohol beverages with a bow on top:

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