Black Friday could easily be renamed “It-Seemed-Like-A-Good-Idea-At-The-Time-Friday,” because that’s the general consensus after you return from your marathon shopping with a sprained ankle, a flatscreen tv and about a fifth less of your dignity. This year, we’re here to help with some proactive damage control. Ask yourself these five questions before you head out on Black Friday:

Are you still drunk?

http://comedycentral.tumblr.com/

If you had a couple of glasses of wine at dinner, spiked a cup of coffee with a splash of Bailey’s, did some Wild Turkey shots in the garage with your cool uncle, and THEN decided you really want to check out the sales at Kohl’s — and see if your high school ex still works there — congratulations, you’re still drunk. But you should probably just sleep this one off.

Have you often fantasized about starting a fight in a Best Buy?

Hm, you might want to talk to somebody about that.

Are you a sadistic monster who wants to force #AlexFromTarget to cut his Thanksgiving dinner short so you can score a TV for half off?

Looking forward to hanging with the fam on thanksgiving

— Alex Lee (@acl163) November 25, 2014

Favorite thanksgiving food is rolls what’s yours?

— Alex Lee (@acl163) November 25, 2014

Hasn’t the poor kid been through enough? Let him eat some rolls!

Do you feel like you can’t avoid it because it’s “family tradition” to go shopping on Black Friday?

http://fuckyeahdash.tumblr.com/

Tradition is great and all, but have you heard of Cyber Monday?

Are you so desperate to escape your crazy family that waking up at 5 a.m. to go to Kmart seems like a valid option?

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Okay. We get that. Permission granted.