This week was full of some perfectly hilarious 140-character jokes. Lane Moore brought some comedic relief to the truth of growing up when she tweeted: “‘It’s basically just making endless phone calls you don’t wanna make’ — me describing adulthood to a child.” Pretty much.
Elsewhere, Twitter user Valerie made us feel a little less guilty about pushing back laundry day: “Fact: Women who don’t wear underwear never get their panties in a bunch.” Here’s to a stress-free weekend.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
“This is the second time I’ve seen Beyoncé but I still found myself crying from just the overwhelming effect of seeing her perform.”
— ▵ Jenna Wortham ▵ (@jennydeluxe) July 15, 2014
That moment you’re at a store and pull a pen out of your purse to sign a receipt, but you pull out a tampon instead.
— AnotherBottleofWhine (@KateWhineHall) July 15, 2014
Felt something tugging at me on the G train and turned around and an old woman was braiding a few strands of my hair. So. That’s NYC today.
— Rachel Syme (@rachsyme) July 14, 2014
Fact: Women who don’t wear underwear never get their panties in a bunch.
— Valerie (@MissvalCa) July 14, 2014
Invention idea: something that exports angsty feelings to food, makes it taste better, also healthier
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) July 14, 2014
You had me at “Hillel”
— Jewpac Shakur (@jewfacekilla) July 13, 2014
Getting into a subway car packed with 90 screaming YMCA kids is the absolute best form of birth control.
— Elizabeth Plank (@feministabulous) July 17, 2014
If Thor is a woman, what’s next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? When will it end?
— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 15, 2014
“it’s basically just making endless phone calls you don’t wanna make” –me describing adulthood to a child
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) July 17, 2014
There’s no reason to waste your money on a scary movie when you could be terrified watching me on a date instead.
— Annekinns (@Annekinns) July 13, 2014
If i was a doctor:
The Rock: “I sprained my wrist”
Me: “okay take off all your clothes”
— L O R I (@LoriLuvsShoes) July 13, 2014
Laptop on uterus, heating it for 4 hours works as birth control, right?
— Lisa Cohen (@cohills) July 15, 2014
I don’t think I can call myself an adult until I figure out how to use bleach in the laundry.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) July 15, 2014
*at the cat shelter*
Yes hi, where are the shopping carts?
— moody monday (@mdob11) July 15, 2014
No one hates to break it to you.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 18, 2014
I’m not sorry coworker that someone ate your lunch out of the fridge
What I’m sorry about is that you didn’t pack bbq sauce for the chicken
— Tammy (@OkieGirl405) July 18, 2014
Which year of medical school is it where they teach you how to select “definitely just got tested for STDs” bandaid colors?
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) July 18, 2014
God invented peeing as an excuse for humans to get away from it all.
— Jamie Lee (@TheJamieLee) July 18, 2014
