Best Tweets: What Women Said On Twitter This Week

When the release of the “Fifty Shades Of Grey” movie trailer fell on the same day as National Tequila Day, the witty women of Twitter took this opportunity to make some hilarious 140-character jokes. Gennefer Gross put the two seemingly-unrelated subjects together when she tweeted: “When being lured into an S&M chamber feels wrong, tequila makes it alright. – Fifty Shades of Grey trailer, sponsored by #NationalTequilaDay.” Tequila really does make everything better.

Erin Gloria Ryan decided to destroy our Christian Grey fantasies with logic after she tweeted: “The least feasible aspect of Fifty Shades of Grey is that its male main character is a 27-year-old man who has his life figured out.” Can’t a girl dream?

While some were questioning the realism of the “Fifty Shades” storyline, other tweeters just dropped truth bombs: “Look, guys. The Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is amazing. There are going to be so many babies in December and January,” tweeted Roxane Gay.

For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

If vaginas made coffee, we’d have a lot fewer men making laws to restrict access to and care for them. #wetlandspreservation

— Erika Napoletano (@RedheadWriting) July 23, 2014

I take some pride in the fact that my 6yo sings “Fancy” instead of “Let it Go.”

— Kathleen Schmidt (@Bookgirl96) July 23, 2014

hahahahha the 50 shades of grey trailer is a car commercial/a perfume commercial/a leather products commercial/a hair salon commercial

— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) July 24, 2014

My favorite drink is “Wow! There’s alcohol in that? I’ll be able to drink several of those”.

— sara (@SomthinBoutSara) July 20, 2014

Look, guys. the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is amazing. There are going to be so many babies in December and January.

— Roxane Gay (@rgay) July 24, 2014

When being lured into an S&M chamber feels wrong, tequila makes it alright. – Fifty Shades of Grey trailer, sponsored by #NationalTequilaDay

— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) July 24, 2014

Alright *magician, let’s see what you’ve got.

*coffee

— CK (@sanityinabottle) July 23, 2014

* Accidentally drips toothpaste on my pants.

* Purposely leaves it there, and lets it dry, to remind me what I’m missing.

— Princess Buttercup (@GoldenSpirals) July 23, 2014

If all crime were legal for 24 hours I’d just steal a bunch of kittens. The Purrge.

— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 21, 2014

Just re-wrote my bio on my BlackBerry while getting my legs waxed. The medal’s in the mail, probably.

— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) July 22, 2014

if i ever get married and you come to my wedding promise me you won’t make up a hashtag for the occasion. Just promise me, dude.

— Lauren Zupkus (@laurenzup) July 19, 2014

“It is what it is” has to be the absolute worst saying in the English language.

— Dayana Sarkisova (@dsarkisova) July 22, 2014

dudes, have you ever thought of the fact that maybe girls dress skimpily not to arouse you but because IT’S HOT AS BALLS OUTSIDE

— ethereal being (@greenhousegoth) July 23, 2014

Turn Down My Sensitivity For Whom

— daisy chain (@plantandmineral) July 22, 2014

The least feasible aspect of Fifty Shades of Grey is that its male main character is a 27-year-old man who has his life figured out.

— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) July 24, 2014

My autocorrect changed “about” to “a kitty”. I actually can’t even.

— amelia (@notbedelia) July 23, 2014

I wish I loved anything as much as old people love driving for miles with their turn signals on.

— blondie (@Blonde4Dayz) July 24, 2014

“As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.”

— Jesse (@jesselyn1988) July 21, 2014

Boyyyyy are you a podcast? Because I just fell asleep in the middle of listening to you.

— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) July 24, 2014

Oh man, all the ridiculous lines from 50 Shades of Grey are even more hilarious when spoken aloud.

— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) July 24, 2014

Complete assholes with amazing dicks are my kryptonite.

— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife) July 23, 2014

dear lord please one day give me a job that allows me to go to comic-con

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 24, 2014

I can’t have kids! I can barely take care of my neopet!

Oh shit what happened to my neopets??!

— Lucia Fasano (@lucia_fasano) July 24, 2014

Weirdly enough, nothing breeds contempt like not wanting to breed

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 25, 2014