The excessive social engagements of summer seem to be wearing on some women on Twitter. Sarcastic Mommy picked up on it when she tweeted: “Don’t forget to piss someone off today by saying ‘good morning.'” Let’s hope she doesn’t cross paths with Twitter user Lauren Ashley Bishop, who tweeted “this woman is still talking to me while i’m looking at my phone i mean how rude.”
At least Twitter user Mrs. Throbinson is making good use of her avoidance technique: “Avoiding everyone is my cardio.” If only there was a Fitbit for that.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
What do you do again when you thought a hot guy was waving to you, you wave back but it was to the chick behind me? Die? Oh, ok thanks.
— Boston Girl (@Kmdk86) July 27, 2014
It’s not over ’til you’re sexting every guy on the Internet, Grandma.
— Poppy (@poppy_daydreams) July 29, 2014
Ha, bet that mosquito had no idea he wasn’t gonna be able to fly a straight line after he bit me.
— Cyn (@FnResilient) July 28, 2014
Avoiding everyone is my cardio.
— Mrs.Throbinson (@mellimelle) July 29, 2014
Sext: Text me back or I’ll kill myself
— moody monday (@mdob11) July 29, 2014
Daughter is 19 days old today. Don’t have the heart to tell her Hollywood prefers thinner 12 day olds.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) July 29, 2014
I’m ignoring you as hard as I can
I love it when you ignore me back
Ignore me harder
Pull my hair a little while you ignore me
— It’s Stephanie (@Snarfernini) July 29, 2014
Look, I just want you to live under my skirt.
For a few days.
A week, tops!
— 3Dee (@mydmac) July 28, 2014
My nickname is Gillette because I’m the best a man can get plus I’ll cut you.
— s o k y (@sokyshipn) July 29, 2014
Farewell Monday nights, when I watch my Twitter feed unsure if “OMG DID HE JUST SAY THAT” refers to Putin or an @BacheloretteABC contestant
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) July 29, 2014
Accidentally just ran through a 10k, the matter was quickly resolved when everyone zoomed by me
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) July 28, 2014
Obviously the ultimate dream is to have a lesbian stranger yell “nice ass!” Still waiting.
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) July 27, 2014
Can I petition to make holding grudges an Olympic event? Cause I’ve been in training my whole life.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) July 28, 2014
My dancing style is ‘there’s a spider on me’.
— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) July 29, 2014
Don’t forget to piss someone off today by saying “good morning”.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 29, 2014
how many pizzas is too many pizzas for one girl? wrong. the limit does not exist
— cassandra (@cassandralately) July 29, 2014
this woman is still talking to me while i’m looking at my phone i mean how rude
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) July 29, 2014
Wanna hear a joke? Strapless bras.
— Brooke Shunatona (@brookeshunatona) July 30, 2014
When my life flashes before my eyes I will just see a series of me frantically emptying my purse & yelling “where’s my phone?!”
— Torre Healy (@torrehealy) July 30, 2014
Don’t cry because it’s over, cry because you’ll never be happy again.
— slaughthie (@slaughthie) July 31, 2014
Nothing says you’re out of shape like getting winded while texting
— Karin Gillespie (@GillespieKarin) July 31, 2014
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of pie.
— Jewpac Shakur (@jewfacekilla) July 31, 2014
if anyone’s interested, I’ll be doing a TED Talk on bang trimming in 10 minutes behind the 7-Eleven
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) July 31, 2014
