The funny women of Twitter were more restless than usual for the weekend to arrive, but not for the reason you’d think. Saucy Kensington was one of these ladies desperately awaiting the weekend: “92% of my week is spent waiting for Friday to come so I can party hard // ~ takes nap.” The dog days of summer are upon us, indeed.
Elizabeth Hackett had a similar idea when she tweeted, ” Sure, I party*. // *am in more than one book club.” Our kind of woman.
We completely endorse a little summertime laziness. The world beyond conditioned bedrooms can get dicey. Just take it from Akilah Hughes: “Went to the Griffith Observatory and saw the, ‘Find Out Your Weight on Other Planets’ exhibit. Don’t accidentally stand on the Earth one…” The world is a dangerous place.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Since sitting is the new smoking, an app reminds me to walk every hour. Now said app needs to stop me from walking to the fridge.
— lisabelkin (@lisabelkin) June 24, 2014
It’s true. Beyonce gets a lot done in a day. But. Does she stare, paralyzed in fear of her future for hours at a time? No. So. I win.
— Martha Plimpton (@MarthaPlimpton) June 22, 2014
I don’t like cats. I’m sorry but I just need to come clean about that.
— Roxane Gay (@rgay) June 24, 2014
I misused ‘to’ instead of ‘too’ on my blog so obviously I fail at life
— Michelle (@RageMichelle) June 25, 2014
Maybe I’d feel more attractive if I took these candy wrappers out of my hair.
— sallybrooks (@sbrooks13) June 25, 2014
Retweeting someone’s selfies is the new “I want to make lampshades out of your skin”.
— Monica Ann (@Monicann86) June 25, 2014
my mom made me take that color personality test as a fun activity and now everything I do is “typical orange behavior” #momtricks
— Rachel Syme (@rachsyme) June 25, 2014
Sure, I party*.
*am in more than one book club
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 25, 2014
Went to the Griffith Observatory and saw the, “Find Out Your Weight on Other Planets” exhibit. Don’t accidentally stand on the Earth one…
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) June 25, 2014
Can’t get my mind off the guy that was in the car next to me earlier today, I just really hope he found what he was looking for in his nose.
— slaughthie (@slaughthie) June 24, 2014
Just received a “Hey, we miss you!” email from Victoria’s Secret. Well guess what I miss? My tight ass, Victoria, my tight ass.
— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) June 22, 2014
Behind every bully on the internet is a small dick.
— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) June 25, 2014
RENT is like Common People: The Musical
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) June 26, 2014
Pro tip: If you skip work today to watch #WorldCup you don’t really have to watch #worldcup. There’s always Law & Order
— MarinkaNYC (@MarinkaNYC) June 26, 2014
Oh, stop your whining and drink like the rest of us.
— Lisa Mac (@LisaMcAlister1) June 27, 2014
I’m sorry I ignored you but you texted “K” to me and now I’m plotting your murder.
— M (@Love_bug1016) June 25, 2014
Necklaces with your own name on them: what, do you have Alzheimer’s?
— Sarah Brown (@mediocreventure) June 27, 2014
Wait which part of my body is the Laffy Taffy exactly
— Amanda Hugandkiss (@AmandasNotFunny) June 27, 2014
No, the tension isn’t there…lower
*Points to Vagina
— Super Girl (@AphroditeAfter5) June 27, 2014
Don’t act like you’re hotter than me just because you’re taking selfies from inside of a sauna.
— Raspberry Jam (@Jenny4ashley) June 26, 2014
The new Twitter layout is meant to look more like FB. Our parents should be here any minute.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) April 8, 2014
92% of my week is spent waiting for Friday to come so I can party hard
~takes nap
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) June 27, 2014
I’m not dead on the inside, I just day drink a lot
— Hottass McMuffin (@McKnightyBoo) June 27, 2014
Vodka would never stab me in the back.
— Vodka n Tots (@Vodkantots) June 26, 2014
Siri, I thought that bitch blocked me?
— Moe (@_Mo_lee_) June 24, 2014
