This was one of those not quite-summer-not-quite-fall weeks filled with adult responsibilities, and the ladies of Twitter were pretty exhausted. Jen Doll came up with a genius idea when she tweeted: “There should be pills that actually just equal an hour of sleep but, like, over the counter and for real.” Now, how do we make this into a real pill?
Twitter user L O R I said what we’re all (always) thinking, tweeting: “I am SO ready for NO-BRA-O’CLOCK.” We could not agree more.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I wonder if Hello Kitty has a collection of lunch boxes with crazy women in their thirties on them.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 29, 2014
I enjoy watching SVU but for some reason Law & Order NFL is too violent for me.
— Ann Coultergeist (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 29, 2014
have i googled “sexy shrek costume” this morning? the answer is yes.
— Alexis Kleinman (@alexiskleinman) September 29, 2014
I thought we abandoned this “basic” shit like 8 months ago, why is this a thing again? I DONT CARE IF YOU LIKE LATTES ITS FINE
— Andrea Grimes (@andreagrimes) September 29, 2014
I really don’t think that is what halos are meant to be used for. Especially mine.
Seriously, take it out of your pants.
— Oh Ms. Sandra (@FrizerkaSandra) September 30, 2014
You don’t really have to look especially good to stop traffic. You just kinda have to stand in the road.
— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) September 30, 2014
How to write: want to, in general way. Try for an hour. Go crazy, become bitter, victimized, self-loathing. Keep going! Second hour easier.
— ANNE LAMOTT (@ANNELAMOTT) October 1, 2014
Thanks but no thanks, people who “act responsibly in public” and “don’t pee in parking lots” and “don’t get arrested all the time”.
Nerds.
— Felix Felicis (@LuckoftheDraw86) September 29, 2014
There should be pills that actually just equal an hour of sleep but, like, over the counter and for real
— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) October 1, 2014
People at work don’t appreciate my social media obligations
— Michelle (@RageMichelle) October 1, 2014
I am SO ready for
NO-BRA-O’CLOCK
— L O R I (@LoriLuvsShoes) October 2, 2014
“I’ve never met a chip I don’t like” she whispered to her Doritos Nacho Cheese bag
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) October 2, 2014
A grasshopper walks into a bar, barkeep says “we have a drink named after you.” Grasshopper says “fame won’t keep me warm at night” & sighs.
— (maura) (@behindyourback) October 2, 2014
damn boy you so fine i wanna take your dog to petco & the dog park & ok fine i really just like your dog can i pet him again where u going
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) October 2, 2014
a lot of us will probably die without ever knowing the correct pronunciation of gyro
— haunted af toilet (@ramenfuneral) September 29, 2014
I should’ve started messing up my life sooner. It’s so easy.
— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) September 28, 2014
*walks past a German Shepard and nods* Officer.
— jacqueline carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) September 23, 2014
Why is Times Square yelling at me?
— Laura Brown (@laurabrown99) October 3, 2014
I wonder how many calories you burn trying to escape to the bathroom from the kids and house pets
— Tammy (@OkieGirl405) October 3, 2014
It takes real talent to creep someone out in 140 characters.
— Rebecca (@cheeky__gal) October 3, 2014
Well, these feelings aren’t going to repress themselves!
*pours another drink*
— Monica Ann (@Monicann86) October 1, 2014
Re: Catcallers- Boobs are just bags of fat anyways. Are they THAT special that they trigger that much of an AWOOGA? Like- relax bros.
— Jessica R. Williams (@msjwilly) October 3, 2014
I’d like to blame my drinking on my kids but clearly it’s my husbands fault.
— K in VT (@karlainvt) October 3, 2014
Uh, so is a fight between 2 vegetarians still called a “beef”, can’t keep up with all this dam political correctness
— Her Tall Boots (@fuzzlime) October 3, 2014
- how would you describe yourself in two words?
– modest and gorgeous
— Мadina (@MadMag_77) October 3, 2014
