Malala Yousafzai won the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize this week, reminding us all that — besides being an iconic human rights activist at the young age of 17 — we want to be Malala when we grow up. Albertina Rizzo felt a little inadequate (along with the rest of us) when she tweeted, “Dammit. Edged out by Malala AGAIN.” She’s a superhero, us earthlings simply can’t compete.
In other news, the much-anticipated film “Gone Girl” came out last week, flooding twitter with tons of think pieces, reviews and a lot of people not caring about said think pieces and reviews. Case in point: Jess Dweck‘s tweet, “Spoiler alert: No one cares if you thought the book was better.”
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Just sneezed while holding a full mug of hot coffee, so yeah, you can say I’m a risk-taker.
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) October 6, 2014
Short skirt, but with a lot of leg hair. Your move, creeps.
— Chelsea Davison (@chelsea_davison) October 7, 2014
At this point, calling me a has-been is like calling me a brunette
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) October 8, 2014
Dammit. Edged out by Malala AGAIN.
— albertina rizzo (@albz) October 10, 2014
you can’t tell me that Carmen Sandiego, Ms. Scarlett from Clue, and Catwomen aren’t libertarians because they fucking are
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) October 8, 2014
*batman voice*
Do you think she’s prettier than me?
— moody monday (@mdob11) October 5, 2014
I can’t wait until rappers are rapping about how much Bitcoin they have
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) October 8, 2014
Opinions are like birthdays. Everybody has one & I only know yours because of Facebook
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) October 7, 2014
Now that Fox News is 18 can we send it to Iraq?
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 8, 2014
Do not make me threaten to come in there and reprimand you because I will not follow through.
— Amanda Mancino (@Manda_like_wine) October 6, 2014
Spoiler alert: No one cares if you thought the book was better.
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 6, 2014
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) October 5, 2014
I’m not drinking to excess, I’m disinfecting my liver. There’s a difference.
— Bandersnaaatch (@Bandersnaaatch) October 7, 2014
I would love to stay in the kitchen. I love the kitchen. It separates me from you.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 9, 2014
“It’s so hard to find nice guys anymore”
MAYBE THAT’S BECAUSE NOAH FORGOT TO INCLUDE NICE GUYS ON THE ARK, TIFFANY
— Katie Katie Katie (@kchees) October 10, 2014
Having a penis would make urinating this frequently less inconvenient.
— LADY (@ladybroseph) October 10, 2014
Morons now call homosexuality an “addiction.” How does that work? Do you start gaying recreationally and get hooked? Is there gateway dick?
— shauna (@goldengateblond) October 9, 2014
“Sure, I’ll be there,” I politely decline
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) October 8, 2014
So it’s technically Fall, but still 90 degrees, and I’m having the biggest existential white girl wardrobe crisis of all time.
— Sarah (@thetigersez) October 7, 2014
The saddest part of getting older is that no one asks me if I want to buy drugs anymore.
— Adie (@TheBlessMess) October 6, 2014
“There’s no rest for the wicked.”
Meh, I find time.
— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) October 8, 2014
You only say you love me because you haven’t googled me yet
— nancy laura spungen (@loisandbea) October 8, 2014
My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like “please untie me” and “just tell me who you are”.
— Raspooky Jam (@Jenny4ashley) October 8, 2014
A stranger is just a friend you have never met. So the lesson is, never leave your house.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) October 10, 2014
If you see me running.. You have just witnessed a fucking miracle.
— Holy Guaca Mole (@MadamBetteNoire) October 10, 2014
