The countdown to Chrismakkuh has finally begun as people set out to find the perfect presents for their loved ones. While receiving gifts is probably the best part about the holidays (don’t lie to yourself, we all know what’s up), the worst might be buying and wrapping gifts for everyone on your long list. Twitter user Mischievous Jam is way ahead of the game, tweeting, “Don’t hate me because I’m already done Christmas shopping and everything is all wrapped… …Hate me because I tweeted about it.” Ugh, whatever.
Twitter user Jenn & Juice is a bit more skeptical about the holiday cheer, tweeting, “I mean, was Santa the original stalker or nah? The song DOES say he sees me when I’m sleeping, knows when I’m awake, & when I’m bad or good.” Santa is magical, leave him alone.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) December 8, 2014
Witnessed an 11 year old girl tell a 9 year old “boys only want love if it’s torture” What hath Taylor Swift wrought
— Aminatou Sow (@aminatou) December 11, 2014
I know it must have been a crazy night when I wake up to an empty NyQuil bottle and an unopened wine bottle.
— Perfect Mess (@XOperfectmessXO) December 8, 2014
internet famous cats should start a labor union
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) December 8, 2014
no one who enjoys grape artificial flavoring has gone on to do something great in life. only sour apple lovers become leaders + thinkers
— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) December 8, 2014
Rolling Stone and Aaron Sorkin, tied to a rocket aimed toward outer space.
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) December 8, 2014
God: humans. so messy. need a flood just to clean up all their shit
Angel: no you promised we could keep them
God: don’t worry I Noah guy
— Carly Kenyon (@carlyken) December 8, 2014
Save on holiday shopping by hating everyone in your family.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) December 8, 2014
All I’m saying is you don’t hear Jews complaining about “the war on Hanukkah” and there actually was one.
— Tweets by Dreidel (@OhNoSheTwitnt) December 8, 2014
A true friend is one who tells you her HBO GO login changed without you even needing to ask.
— Alie Martell (@aliemartell) December 8, 2014
How many of your exes can we fit into one room?
-theme of every holiday party everywhere.
— Cara Dawn (@careworn) December 9, 2014
But the Joey and Rachel romance storyline still icks me out.
— Sarah Millican (@SarahMillican75) December 9, 2014
*Sits on Santa’s lap*
“Is this a date?”
— Annekinns (@Annekinns) December 10, 2014
Don’t hate me because I’m already done Christmas shopping and everything is all wrapped…
…Hate me because I tweeted about it.
— Jelly (@MischievousJam) December 9, 2014
Why fall in love when you can fall into a volcano?
— Alley Cat (@deardilettante) December 8, 2014
Don’t forget to blame your problems on other people today.
— Blue Moon (@Bluestmoon_) December 8, 2014
Bought a pair of sweatpants with ‘Juicy’ on the back, but the J and U got sucked up my fat ass, so now I’m just ‘icy’.
Good ol’ Icy Ass.
— Bianca LaVagina (@AnitaHelmet) December 9, 2014
I mean, was Santa the original stalker or nah? The song DOES say he sees me when I’m sleeping, knows when I’m awake, & when I’m bad or good.
— jenn & juice (@thebadjenn) December 9, 2014
But Officer, that’s just my medicinal sawed-off shotgun.
— Vodka n Tots (@Vodkantots) December 10, 2014
One of these days I’m going to figure out socks.
— Carrie Brownstein (@Carrie_Rachel) December 12, 2014
Indecisive people unite!
Wait. Maybe not.
No. Let’s not.
Actually, we should.
— Goddess of Mischief (@ShanaRose21) December 10, 2014
Hang on, let me just throw out the rest of my morals first.
— trouble (@amyistrouble) December 11, 2014
Some call it addiction
Some call it obsession
I call it truly dedicated
-my relationship with pizza and beer
— Feeds On Your Soul (@tiemespankme) December 12, 2014
Oh, Santa’s real. Humans have simply become such monsters that no one’s good enough to visit. – worst way to keep a child’s wonder alive
— Janingle Bellsrito (@janinebrito) December 12, 2014
