The ladies of Twitter talked a lot about orgasms this week. Twitter user Boobston Girl posed an interesting question: “But can I get a Best Actress award for faking orgasms?” (Honestly, we’re not sure, but you definitely should be able to.)
Twitter user Slightly Funny Jew added to the conversation, tweeting, “Dear Women, ‘If you fake it, you will make it’ doesn’t apply to orgasms.” True, but can we still get an award for it?
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
The Girl With the “I Stopped Reading Thinkpieces” Tattoo
— Michelle Dean (@michelledean) February 23, 2015
Sometimes I say stupid shit like, “I do.”
— bubble girl (@JessObsess) February 22, 2015
I will take your secret to the grave. Unless I’m drunk and revealing it will make me popular.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) February 22, 2015
But can I get a Best Actress award for faking orgasms?
— Boobston Girl (@bgirl314) February 23, 2015
Dear Women,
“If you fake it, you will make it” doesn’t apply to orgasms.
— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) February 24, 2015
I don’t need to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes to judge them, I can do that comfortably from the couch at home.
— Felix Felicis (@LuckoftheDraw86) February 24, 2015
“I’m raging against the machine,” I giggle to myself, nervously placing 13 items on the 12 Items Or Less counter. “Being bad feels so good.”
— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) February 27, 2015
Sleeping Beauty is so unrealistic, no woman wants to be woken up from a nap
— PaperWash© (@PaperWash) February 25, 2015
Guy in 50 Shades: I’m a psycho are u in or are u out
Most Guys: I’m gonna waste your time til u discover I’m bad
GIMME THAT 50 SHADES GUY
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) February 24, 2015
If you say “alright” in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 24, 2015
sure the Victoria’s Secret models are pretty, but I bet not one of them ever finds a Cheeto in her bra
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 28, 2015
People will stop going to hell when they get rid of hand baskets. Next question.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 27, 2015
Most adult friendships are just figuring out whose turn it is to cancel plans.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) February 23, 2015
I walked under a ladder today because it felt like a reckless thing to do without any real risk.
— Allison Raskin (@Allison620) February 25, 2015
It’s going down. I’m Yellen, Janet.
— Caro (@socarolinesays) February 24, 2015
My problem isn’t that I’m eating too much at night, it’s that I’m not jogging in the shower
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) February 24, 2015
*goes outside*
*sees a couple wearing matching outfits*
*turns around and goes back inside*
— Victoria Sofia (@Ideal_Victoria) February 24, 2015
Ah, Winter, when you can split your lip just by smiling
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) February 25, 2015
I’d Rather Be Watching Netflix” — a T-shirt I’m making, coming to an etsy store near you
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) February 24, 2015
My husband and I are very aligned on our thoughts about raising kids, mostly “Holy hell, why did we decide to do this?”
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) February 26, 2015
You know you’re old when you start carrying around emergency tweezers, not for splinters, but for chin hairs.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) February 25, 2015
When someone says you’re an emotional black hole, they’re basically comparing you to a star, right?
— Alley Cat (@deardilettante) February 26, 2015
[NASA interview]
So why would you like to be an astronaut?
[imagines eating all the food and stepping on scale on moon]
“Space and stuff”
— Terry F (@daemonic3) February 25, 2015
Me: Things will get better
Life: No
— moody monday (@mdob11) February 26, 2015
so i missed the Oscars but i did hit Whole Foods and see several rows of award-winning organic mayonnaise so i think i got the gist
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) February 23, 2015
Every time I get my period I’m relieved – I don’t really hate all the people!
— Allison Hart (@motherhoodwtf) February 23, 2015
