Stolen nude celebrity photo scandal (read: crime), Beyoncé’s birthday, the start of New York Fashion Week, the sad passing of Joan Rivers — this week has been full of both good and bad news. Through thick and thin however, we can always rely on the women of Twitter to make us laugh.
With New York Fashion Week kicking off on Friday, Carly Ledbetter thought she’d be a team player when she tweeted, “In honor of #NYFW, I’ll be eating bagels for all the people who can’t this week.” Such a sweetheart.
While some great minds attempted to skip school by claiming Beyoncé’s birthday is a national holiday, Twitter user Bryn had the day on lock: “You know you were a born winner when you have the same birthday as Beyoncé.” But actually.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen anyone eat Oreos during a killing spree.
— Texapino (@hpb777) September 3, 2014
what kind of monster would go to work today? it is The Lord’s Day, Beyoncé’s birthday, have some respect.
— cassandra (@cassandralately) September 4, 2014
Damn good bottle of wine…..
– attitude adjustment
— ALICE (@In_Twittaland) September 4, 2014
What do people do with all the time they save by writing “K” instead of “Ok”?
— Your Mom (@HorribleDancer) September 4, 2014
No pressure said the vagina to the small penis
— Tequila Sunshine (@tequilasaltlyfe) September 4, 2014
In alcohol we trust.
— 3Dee (@mydmac) September 1, 2014
It’s Beyoncé’s birthday so I turned my clock back an hour and then washed my linens with lavender water like it says in the scripture.
— albertina rizzo (@albz) September 4, 2014
Part of me truly feels for these workers striking outside McDonalds. The other part of me is DYING for an Egg McMuffin
— Lauren Sivan (@LaurenSivan) September 4, 2014
I do not hold grudges. Also, I do not accept your apology.
— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) September 3, 2014
You never realize how sexual a song is until you listen to it with your 16 yr old
— L O R I (@LoriLuvsShoes) September 3, 2014
My purse is just an expensive trash can.
— Quinn Katherman (@QuinnK) September 4, 2014
In honor of #NYFW, I’ll be eating bagels for all the people who can’t this week
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) September 3, 2014
IDEA: makeup remover for male privilege
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 4, 2014
I just remembered that slippers exist and I’m not so bummed about the end of summer anymore.
— Taylor Casti (@thecoppergirl) September 2, 2014
It is 2014 why can’t we edit tweets
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) September 3, 2014
I have balls..
They are all up in the air and I try to keep from dropping them all the time..
But balls, just the same.
— Valerie (@MissvalCa) September 3, 2014
you know you were a born winner when you have the same birthday as beyonce
— bryn (@bindlebeautyx) September 4, 2014
Googles “how to become rich without working”
The first time Google didn’t have a answer
— Tammy (@OkieGirl405) September 5, 2014
I’m always on the verge of running three miles or drinking a bottle of wine.
— Cloudypianos (@cloudypianos) September 4, 2014
My biological clock just lets me know that it’s time to eat again.
— moody monday (@mdob11) September 4, 2014
I would only stop cuddling a kitten if I saw a cuter kitten.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) August 30, 2014
I hate when I see a guy with a better messy bun than mine
— Brooke Shunatona (@brookeshunatona) September 5, 2014
Eat like nobody wants you.
— Jewdacris (@jewfacekilla) September 5, 2014
Agenda for Beyoncé’s birthday
1. Wake up ***Flawless
2. Post up ***Flawless
3. Ridin round in it ***Flawless
4. Flossin on that ***Flawless
— (@iamkiyonce) September 4, 2014
