With fall in full swing and election season just around the corner, Erin Gloria Ryan had a genius ploy to get people to the voting booths: “Everyone would vote if there was free pizza.” If there was free pizza, people would be trying to vote twice.
In other news, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West might have some tough competition for the most famous celebrity couple since Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence are rumored to be dating. Callie Beusman asked a good question when she tweeted, “Are Chris Martin’s kids Team Peeta or Team Gale?” We’d go with Team Peeta but to each their own.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I WANT to say that I love you more than the fat kid loves cake but…cake. So, nope.
Maybe I love you more than the fat kid loves exercise?
— JP (@jp_unfiltered) September 23, 2014
Sex so good I can’t move afterwards. No, wait. Oreos. It was Oreos.
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) September 23, 2014
It’s astonishing how much I can fuck up before 10 a.m.
Good for me.
— blondie (@Blonde4Dayz) September 22, 2014
I see trees of green,
Red roses too.
I see them bloom,
For me and you.
And I think to myself,
I’d rather be at home on the Internet.
— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) September 23, 2014
everyone would vote if there was free pizza
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) September 23, 2014
Came home after a weekend away to find a single piece of confetti on my balcony. Guessing some sort of Toy Story situation has occurred.
— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) September 23, 2014
How many years of my life will be spent watching the first 5 seconds of YouTube ads?
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) September 23, 2014
Skype: all the glitchiness and shouting of being put on speakerphone, plus you have to do your makeup.
— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) September 23, 2014
On The Run tour: Beyonce Brings Her Husband On The Road
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) September 25, 2014
Don’t TALK to me until I’ve had my morning validation
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) September 26, 2014
When you find a typo on a tweet a full 24 hours after you committed it and suddenly there is no happiness, no sunshine, no nothing.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) September 26, 2014
THIS FALL that guy whose name you can never recall and a girl you vaguely recognize in a show you’ll forget to watch THURSDAYS ON FOX
— shauna (@goldengateblond) September 26, 2014
I don’t like Pumpkin Spice ‘anything’ and I’m a white girl, so basically my whole life has been a lie
— L O R I (@LoriLuvsShoes) September 26, 2014
are Chris Martin’s kids Team Peeta or Team Gale
— Callie Beusman (@cal_beu) September 26, 2014
Sports bra and seat belt. Nope
— Perfect Mess (@XOperfectmessXO) September 25, 2014
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
— The Eh Factor (@AngelaEhh) September 26, 2014
