Do you hate holiday parties more than anything? Would you consider yourself a “modern human being who doesn’t believe in god”? Are you constantly looking for ways to avoid chatty hipster libertarians? If you answered yes to any or all of those questions, the ladies of “Broad City” are here to save you.

In a video from Comedy Central’s All-Star Non-Denominational Christmas Special, Abbi and Ilana from “Broad City” guide you through your worst holiday party nightmare. Some of their tips include “self-medicating” in the host’s bathroom and avoiding mistletoe kisses by faking a herpes sore out of peppermint bark — genius!

Watch all of Abbi and Ilana’s helpful holiday tips above. Best of luck!