James Bond’s usual repertoire of sexist pick-up lines just wouldn’t cut it with a badass feminist lady.

A recent video created by YouTube channel Scotch Moses shows just how much 007 would fail at being suave if he attempted to hit on a feminist woman — or really any actual woman, not a female character written by a man. From horrible sex puns to a stuffy British accent, the comedy group’s James Bond parody is spot on.

When the woman in the video (perfectly) shuts down Bond, he responds in rare form: “I chose you and this is how you repay me? [I chose you] to be my girl,” he says. “The girl for the remainder of the mission or until you died tragically and I’m haunted by your death until I find the comfort of another woman.”

Sorry to break it to you Mr. Bond, but that’s just not how it works in the real world.

Even Daniel Craig who plays Bond in the most recent series of 007 movies called his character a misogynist last week. “Let’s not forget that he’s actually a misogynist,” Craig said in an interview with The Red Bulletin. “A lot of women are drawn to him chiefly because he embodies a certain kind of danger and never sticks around for too long.”

So when do we get a female Bond? We can hear it now: Bond, Janine Bond.

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