Jeremy Meeks set the Nerd Movement Back 25 years.

By Stevie Mark

Nerds, you’re officially on alert! And no – this alert has nothing to do with the iPhone 6 announcement.

If you are a Male Nerd looking for a mate, I am here to warn YOU!!!! This Jeremy Meeks Sexy Mugshot Internet fiasco may ruin your chances at ever getting laid again.

Ok, perhaps that’s a bit over exaggerated, but the reaction Jeremy Meeks’ mugshot has received from women all over the internet the last few days makes me believe that there may be a potential paradigm shift in women’s desires – which could mean nerds will be back to playing with their little storm troopers by themselves. You’re sexy days could be over. I feel it all over the internet.

Over the last decade it’s become trendy to be a nerd. Knowing about computers, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and comic books has become cool. And girls dig it. For the first time in history, nerds are sexy. Thank you, Silicon Valley and Mark Zuckerberg for making every hot girl think they are screwing with a future tech billionaire. And just to be clear – not all nerds end up super financially successful. There are also the nerds that peak at being the assistant night manager at CVS. Let’s not super sugar coat shit here. Let’s be real.

But, in the 70s, 80s and 90s the case was different. It wasn’t cool to be an intellectual, know how to hook up a computer modem or play Dungeons and Dragons. Girls never gave nerds the time of day. Instead they opted for the cool guys, the jocks and even the bad boys that treated them like shit. Ya know the type? Guys who really weren’t that bright and ultimately lost all their swagger 5 years out of high school, lost their hair and gained a beer belly. Simple mathematical equation here: Cool Bad Boy Today = Out of shape bald loser forever. And, girls started to learn from the mistakes of girls past and realized that even the biggest nerd loser was a better long-term option than the coolest bad boy.

I credit the marketing strategy of the hit TV show, Big Bang Theory for popularizing the sex appeal of nerds. They made being socially awkward and smart sexy. Plus – Penny is fuck’n hot. It’s all about association. It’s fuck’n genius. Her sex appeal legitimizes the nerds’ sex appeal. No different than getting a celebrity to endorse a new brand of shitty tequila. For example, by placing Dave Beckham as the face of Tequila Shitty – you too will be as cool as Dave and have bad ass abs and hair – just drink Tequila shitty. I am in no way saying nerds are shitty here.

But it didn’t really hit me as to how cool nerds have become until one of my trips for delectable buffalo wings at the super high end classy establishment called Hooters. While on a visit several years ago, one of the flat chested waitresses (why I always get the flat chested waitresses when I go to Hooters is a topic for another article…) grabbed my glasses and put them on. She then said, “Look I’m a nerd”. What followed was short of amazing. All the Hooters waitresses flocked in and started saying shit like – “Nerds are so fuck’n hot!” and “Oh I wish I was a nerd” and then there were the bombs “Next boyfriend I get is going to be a nerd” and “I heard they fuck really good.”

Fuck’n unbelievable.

No better way to prove nerds are a hot commodity than by surveying a bunch of Hooters chicks in tight orange shorts. Just watch out for the salmonella guys. When you hook up with a Hooters girl it’s not STDs you should be worrying about – it’s the Salmonella. You don’t want that shit on your dick.

Anyway – popular belief is that nerds make for good boyfriends and husbands because they’re for the most part more caring and attentive than the much more attractive jock or bad boy. Girls have started to think about the long-term rather than the short term. Sure this bad boy is cool, but what’s his credit score like and can he sync my iPad to the Apple Air?

 

But here is what I’m worried about. This Jeremy Meeks dude who got arrested in Stockton, California is for lack of a better term just a dangerous loser. He is a former gang member with a tear drop tattoo which clearly means his employment opportunities are limited – and he doesn’t quite strike me as the type of person that can name at least one character from Star Wars. I’m shocked to see the comments women are leaving all over the internet.

Here are some favorites:

“Being that sexy is illegal?”

“Lord have mercy…”

“I’ve got handcuffs”

“When are visiting hours”

“I want a conjugal visit…”

“My panties are so wet. This guy is the hottest piece of ass. I’ll pay his bail and make him lick me clean…”   That last one was from my grandmother. Pretty sure she once gave Castro a hand job in a Havana nightclub….

Anyway…

Male nerds – this may be the beginning of the end for us. A sex famine is upon us! We may need to start doing some more dangerous shit to get ahead. I suggest, let’s start getting tattoos of our favorite Pokemon on our face and create an exciting back story like, “This Squirtle represents all my lost homies. I’m thinking of getting more but I don’t have the cash for it right now. I really want a Pikachu lightning bolt across my neck…gotta collect them all baby ya know?”

Ok maybe that’s not the answer. I’m not sure what is. But, one thing is for sure – women need to get a fuck’n grip. Falling for a guy in jail on serious weapon charges is kinda lame. If you are the type of chick who thought Meeks was dreamy – you may not be the right fit for a nerd. Actually – now that I think about it – nerds have nothing to worry about. Nerds will always exist in a higher tax bracket and… class bracket. We don’t get arrested for stupid shit leaving behind our children to be raised fatherless… and we don’t get dumb ass tattoos that limit our employment opportunities. We have all the leverage and can just about pick who we want to be with. And if you’re the type of girl who gets excited about gang members, well – you’re just not safe. As Admiral Ackbar would say….”It’s a trap”…your vagina that is.

In fact – Admiral Ackbar is sexier than Jeremy Meeks… They’ve got the same sexy eyes and complexion. The upside on Ackbar is he’s a fuck’n admiral and not in jail. Ladies – Ackbar is hotter than Meeks. Let’s face it.