“New Year’s Eve is like the death of a pet. You know it’s going to happen but somehow you’re never really prepared for how truly awful it is.”

Preach, John Oliver. Preach.

In a new web exclusive from “Last Week Tonight,” Oliver returns to tell us exactly why New Year’s Eve is “the worst” and how you can stay home and avoid it entirely.

Aside from everyone being exhausted after the holidays, Oliver points out that a traditional New Year’s Eve celebration combines “Three of the least pleasant things known to mankind: forced interaction with strangers being drunk, cold and tired, and having to stare at Ryan Seacrest for five solid minutes, waiting for him to tell you what the time is.”

Watch the clip to hear Oliver’s suggestions for getting out whatever you have planned for New Year’s Eve, whether it’s a guy’s night, a girl’s night or a party at a friend’s house. He also makes another good point: No matter what you’re trying to get out of, simply saying you’re on a cleanse will prevent any and all further discussion.