It’s the night of the annual Academy Awards and everyone is anxiously waiting to find out who won Best Picture, Best Actress and Best Actor. The winners’ speeches, however? Not so much.

Let’s face it: awards show acceptance speeches are usually pretty dull. Thanking the Academy? It’s been done. Gushing over people that the audience doesn’t know exist? Every time. And don’t even get us started on the speeches that get all political.

It doesn’t take a teary-eyed celebrity to write your standard Oscars acceptance speech, so we made it even easier by crafting this

Image created by Andy McDonald