No summer is complete without baseball, barbecue, and five-line poems in anapestic meter with a strict rhyme scheme that detail the always-embarrassing process of perspiration. Whip out your hanky and enjoy these limericks!

Double Standards

When a model drips sweat from his hair,

People stop in their tracks and they stare.

But when I get sweaty,

I resemble a yeti.

Guess I should stop taking the stairs.

Dogs Don’t Understand Sweating

When relentless sweating persists,

Observe that your dog may be pissed.

Suspicions arise,

Of secrets and lies.

That by other dogs you’ve been kissed.

Everything’s a Lawsuit

I can’t help but feel quite betrayed,

By this bottle of blue Gatorade.

The commercials aren’t true,

I didn’t sweat blue.

A call to my lawyer was made.

The Great Flood

A flood stopped the drought here in Cali,

From LA to Silicon Valley.

Brought about by suspense,

My sweat glands commenced.

Thanks, “Bachelorette” finale.

Summer Day at the Ballpark

Pit stains are a prominent feature,

Of those smelly, jersey-clad creatures,

What’s saddest, I think,

Is of whom I speak

Aren’t players, but folks in the bleachers.



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