When I watch the promo for this new hoverboard prototype called the ArcaBoard, I feel like I’ve just walked in on the introductory conditioning video for some new-age cult. It has that feel.
The Arca Space Corporation has taken an admirable first step into hoverboards-that-actually-hover territory. But their promo department seems to be still in the R&D stages as well.
Let’s look at the transcript:
Freedom. It is our greatest desire. It is what we all aspire to. All our efforts. All our dreams. All our ambitions. Can we truly be free? Can we feel it? Freedom. Now we can.
… What? Also, all your dreams? Eek. That’s like, “Hey guys, I just poured all my hopes and dreams into Pets.com.”
We created a vehicle, a tool, that will grant you total freedom. Freedom of movement, of travel, wherever you want, whenever you want. An extension of your will, of your creativity, of your desire to be free.
Yes, with this vehicle, $20,000 will be magically transported from you, the tool, to them. Creatively.
You know it’s bad when the drone camera you’re filming your hoverboard with completely outshines your hoverboard…
Inside this beautifully crafted airframe we poured all our hopes, all our dreams, all the roads that we traveled, all the hardships that we faced, all this to bring you freedom.
Again, all your hopes/dreams? “Everyone, I’ve got a good feeling about Microsoft Zune — pour all your hopes and dreams into this.”
Thirty-six high-powered, electric-ducted fans deliver over 270 horsepower at your disposal. Enough to propel you across land, water, snow or ice. No obstacle is too high. No road exists to limit you. There is only you and the power at your command. All this packed into a vehicle slightly larger than a skateboard.
Yes, slightly larger than a skateboard. You know, in the same way that 60 hot dogs are slightly larger than the human stomach.
When we first started designing the shape of the ArcaBoard, we wanted to put the user first.
Yep, it’s important to first get the user’s $20,000.
We knew we wanted the board to have a friendly familiar shape.
“Oooh, I like that it’s a rectangle. I’ve had experience with rectangles before. That comforts me.”
We wanted to focus on the rider’s experience. We wanted to make sure they didn’t have to worry about any type of technical details.
Yes, not to worry about the technical details, only that a stiff breeze may end up killing you.
That is why we created the ArcaBoard. So that you could achieve your dreams.
“When I grow up, I want 36 fans in a plastic twin mattress to test my balance!”
Perhaps an important step forward in the evolution of hoverboards, but a clear step back in the world of hype videos.
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