Does being a male feminist affect the way men approach dating and sex? Allow Matt McGorry to answer — at least for himself.
On Saturday, “Pitch Perfect” actress Kether Donohue asked McGorry on Twitter whether being a male feminist has changed how he dates. The “Orange Is The New Black” actor admitted the concept was complicated.
@MattMcGorry Does being a male feminist change how you date or the “courtship” process?If so, how? #ChallengingQuestionsInFeminism
— Kether Donohue (@MsKetherDonohue) July 25, 2015
If the alternative is being a misogynist, then absolutely! But it’s probably a bit complicated to put into tweets https://t.co/zh0P1EBOq3
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
Never one to shy away from a public discussion about feminism, McGorry answered the question anyway in a series of 10 tweets.
1. I’m sure there are some feminists who have tons of one night stands and some who have never had one at all. So I… @MsKetherDonohue
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
2. tend to think there’s still a ton of variation in preference. And for someone that only has sex in relationships for… @MsKetherDonohue
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
3. example, it could either be a comfort necessary for intimacy or that they feel it’s “slutty” to behave otherwise… @MsKetherDonohue
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
4. The latter being certainly less in line with ideals of feminism (and not judging people for their sexual preferences) @MsKetherDonohue
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
5. even with the same outcome of not being interested in one night stands. Alternatively, there are some things that I would say preclude
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
6. people from being feminists even if they called themselves one. Such as physically abusing or sexually assaulting women. Also worth
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
7. noting is that you can be (or identify as) a feminist and STILL be an asshole or a terrible person to date. And I’m sure the quality of
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
8. ones romantic partner is often very related to their self awareness (for me at least). Hopefully calling oneself a feminist comes with
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
9. SOME degree of self awareness and how your actions impact others, but I’m sure there’s a great range in there. I like how I said it’d be
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
10. complicated to put into tweets but then attempted it anyway.
Appreciate the great question, let’s discuss more ☺️ @MsKetherDonohue
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 25, 2015
Though having a nuanced discussion about a complex topic is certainly difficult in 140 characters (even 10 sets of them), McGorry managed to touch on a few important points:
- Being a male feminist means understanding and accepting a woman’s sexual decisions — whatever they might be.
- It also means acknowledging that any individual man or woman (feminist or not), has his or her own set of varied, sexual needs. Desire is complicated for everyone.
- Being a male feminist doesn’t automatically make you a “good guy” to date. Even dudes who believe in gender equality can be lousy romantic partners.
- And as McGorry’s last tweets suggest, proudly wearing the label of “feminist” doesn’t necessarily make you one. (We’d definitely call bullsh*t on anyone who calls him or herself a feminist and proceeds to be violent toward an intimate partner, as would McGorry.) But being a feminist, hopefully, comes along with some sense of how your actions might impact others.
The short takeaway from McGorry’s tweets? Basically, dating is a confusing mess for everyone. But being a feminist — and thinking critically about how to make the world a more equitable place for people of all gender identities, races and backgrounds — hopefully makes a person think about equality and fairness in his or her personal relationships as well.
Those are some important thoughts about feminists, but what about the meninists? We’ll let Matt answer that one, too.
@MattMcGorry what’s your opinion on the meninists in comparison to feminists?
— Molls (@mollsissobored) July 26, 2015
You mean fuckboys? https://t.co/fqfyjopXM2
— Matt McGorry (@MattMcGorry) July 26, 2015
H/T Mic
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